I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
