one two three fourrrrnication!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
