When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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