i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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