Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I stole a fireplace last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
