OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
