..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
