Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
