my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
