i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
