She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
