i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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