I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
