i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
