there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
