She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
