pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
