We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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