I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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