I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize