The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
