Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
