I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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