I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
