the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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