dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
