Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
