did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
