I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
