if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Couch. On fire.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
