CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
