this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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