I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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