I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wear drunk well.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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