My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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