when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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