You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
