just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
