i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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