I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
