my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
