Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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