this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
