i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
