My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
