She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
