i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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