I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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