I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
