that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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