Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
