I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
