the condom got lost in my hair
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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