i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
