I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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