How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
