he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How's work?
Spinning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
