shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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