if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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