Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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