Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
