This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
