I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
