Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
