So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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