well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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