O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
