You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
