the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
