I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
