if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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