Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
